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AzNiCeGuYtOnY
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Name: AhnTohNee =)
Location: New York City, New York, United States
Birthday: 11/12/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: Going to Church, Playing My flute, Playing Tennis
Expertise: Music =)
Occupation: student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
AIM:  NiceGuyTony2000
Member Since:
6/20/2003
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| I'm tired of living in two worlds. They're going to collide soon, and only disaster will come out of it. Some friends live on one planet and some, the other. One only sees the green and the other, the blue. One sees vulnerability, the other, strength. I want the two to finally merge, but I'm scared of the collision. God, take these worlds away from me please. | | |
| School's been quite tough and lately, I've been contemplating how my life would be if I just went to Korea and taught English. I'm so unmotivated to study. Does that mean I'm not doing God's will? I keep praying for joy, but I'm not getting it. I get it...It's because I'm living in sin. I'm trying to shield myself from these worldly things, but I'm literally ADDICTED to it... I waste so much time doing things that will never glorify God. Yet, I complain about how my studies are so hard. Even the way I treat my studies is not honorable. How can I turn my life around? I really need to start repenting, but I'm so ready to give up. I've always had very little endurance for things. I need help...God, please help me...Do something miraculous. Please... | | |
| This post is dedicated to apologizing to my lovely audience *chirp chirp* for my terrible grammar. Obviously, I don't proofread, and honestly, I don't care about grammar when I'm blogging. So whatever. I take my apology back! Sucks on that! =P
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| I've been struggling with pride a lot these days. When I compare myself to some people I know, I feel like an complete failure. I have so much potential, but I feel like I have wasted it. A lot of it relates to the whole concept of honor. I feel obligated as an Asian American to bring honor and respect to my family by somehow receiving a valid Baccalaureate degree. Linguistics is obviously not valid in my parents' book. I keep thinking about how God should give me a second chance, so I can be a better student, a better son, and a better steward of time and everything else God has given me. (You can tell that I like to complain a lot). A friend gave me a slap back to reality in the morning when I was complaining to him about my biology class. He rebuked me in a way that felt strange. LOL. No, he did not physically beat me or reprimand me, but he calmly told me how I should be an optimist in my most stressed out times. He told me I had to stop calling my teacher a douche bag for my own inadequacies. Long story short, I'm really looking to honor God. Throughout my academic career, there will be a lot of struggling, but I basically need to rely on him. I pray that my family will find some satisfaction in the work I've done. In the long run, I'm not really here to please them because we all know that I could never be good enough. =)
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| I've realized that some of my escapes and hiding places are more physical and tangible. These days, it's become a lot more abstract and crazy though. I don't know how to explain it, but it's in my mind. It's like a black and white film in my mind that self-generates. Sometimes, I don't wish for these thoughts to come up, but they just do. Sometimes, they're really dark and cynical, but at most times, they are very truthful and shed light to what I'm going through. People have criticized me for running away from my problems sometimes, but if I never talk about my hiding places, will you really know? Maybe your hiding places are more covert, but seriously speaking... I'm not that much of an open book. No one knows of my deepest, darkest secrets...NO ONE.
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